Week 2 is all the time top-of-the-line weeks of the NFL seasons. It’s the Sunday where everyone collectively wonders “are any of those teams good?” These rankings will reflect that.
Buffalo Bills and Kansas City Chiefs excluded, after all.
Sunday saw the Baltimore Ravens blow a 21-point lead, the Los Angeles Rams almost gag away a 25-point cushion, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers struggle in Latest Orleans, and the preseason AFC South-favorite Indianapolis Colts once more lose in Jacksonville.
The San Francisco 49ers got back to .500, but likely lost quarterback Trey Lance for the season.
Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers got back on target with a win over the Chicago Bears at Lambeau Field.
Here’s where each team sits after Sunday’s Week 2 motion.
32. Carolina Panthers (0-2): Matt Rhule is 5-16 in one-possession games because the start of 2020. Tell me that he and Nebraska aren’t an ideal fit
31. Atlanta Falcons (0-2): The universe couldn’t handle the Falcons getting back from a 28-3 deficit. The comeback had to come back up short.
30. Seattle Seahawks (1-1): The Seahawks putting 4 running backs on the sphere only to throw an interception was perfect. No notes.
29. Washington Commanders (1-1): The Commanders are who we thought they were. Over/under on what number of games Carson Wentz has left as a starting QB within the NFL? Six? Eight? Can’t be many.
28. Indianapolis Colts (0-1-1): Jim Irsay is about to fireside everyone.
27. Houston Texans (0-1-1): The Texans begged the Broncos to win Sunday’s game. Finally, the Mile High Ponies obliged. Texans aren’t able to win anything yet.
26. Cleveland Browns (1-1): Brownie the Elf couldn’t save the Browns from stepping in it against the Jets.
25. Latest York Jets (1-1): Robert Saleh said he was going to maintain the receipts of everyone mocking the Jets. After erasing a 13-point lead in 92 seconds, it may be time to unleash a few of them.
24. Tennessee Titans (0-1): Tennessee looks like a team that might crumble early. Josh Allen isn’t the quarterback you must see while you’re trying to search out your footing early.
23. Chicago Bears (1-1): Bears’ offense was impressive on the scripted first drive. After? Not a lot.
22. Las Vegas Raiders (0-2): Raiders owner Mark Davis got his title when the Las Vegas Aces won the WNBA Championship on Sunday. No must worry about Vegas’ massive choke job against the Cardinals until Tuesday on the earliest.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1): The Jags get to be the highest-ranked AFC South team because, well, they’ve a win.
20. Latest York Giants (2-0): I still don’t think the Giants are good. But 2-0 is 2-0.
19. Detroit Lions (1-1): The Lions have scored 30 or more points in three straight games for the primary time since 1997. Things may be turning around in Detroit.
18. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2): The Bengals have been borderline atrocious of their first two games and still had a probability to win each of them. That’s something … I feel.
17. Arizona Cardinals (1-1): Kyler Murray, Byron Murphy and Isaiah Simmons might need saved the Cardinals’ season. Still quite a lot of issues within the desert, though.
16. Dallas Cowboys (1-1): Dak who? (This can be a joke.)
15. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1): Mitchell Trubisky was the clever move when it looked just like the defense could carry the Steelers to a playoff berth. With T.J. Watt out, it may be time to take a spin with Kenny Pickett. Steelers don’t have anything to lose.
14. Latest England Patriots (1-1): Gunner Olszewski said he desired to make his old team remember him. As an alternative, his special teams blunder ended up handing Latest England a much-needed win in Pittsburgh. Bill Belichick appreciates the gesture, Gunner.
13. Latest Orleans Saints (1-1): Bucs linebacker Devin White perfectly summed up Jameis Winston after Tampa Bay’s 20-10 win in Latest Orleans: “We just knew he was going to offer us the ball.”
12. Denver Broncos (1-1): Nathaniel Hackett won’t have been ready for the large time.
11. San Francisco 49ers (1-1): Don’t defend Kyle Shanahan for consistently using franchise QB Trey Lance like a battering ram and getting him injured. If Shanahan is such a genius play-caller, you’d think he’d have the ability to design a strategy to use Lance’s athleticism without repeatedly running him into the teeth of the defense.
10. Los Angeles Rams (1-1): The Rams avoided a colossal meltdown against the Falcons. But they’re still shaking off the Super Bowl hangover.
9. Green Bay Packers (1-1): Getting the ball to Aaron Jones appears to be a recipe for achievement.
8. Baltimore Ravens (1-1): Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle are still running free against the Ravens’ secondary.
7. Miami Dolphins (2-0): Mike McDaniel, Tyreek Hill, and Jaylen Waddle might save Tua Tagovailoa’s profession.
6. Los Angeles Chargers (1-1): Justin Herbert’s fractured rib cartilage is all that matters in Los Angeles. The excellent news is the Chargers’ doctors have an excellent track record with chest injuries.
5. Minnesota Vikings (1-0): The Vikings could make an announcement Monday night in Philly. Unfortunately, Kirk Cousins’ track record in primetime isn’t exactly stellar.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-0): Tom Brady might wish to rethink retirement after watching the Bucs’ offense struggle against a Saints’ defense that had issues with Marcus Mariota and the Falcons in Week 1.
3. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0): Philly’s defense looked old and slow against the Lions in Week 1. Can the Eagles stop Justin Jefferson from walking throughout them in primetime?
2. Kansas City Chiefs (2-0): Patrick Mahomes should take the luck he had Thursday night and head to Vegas. The Chargers dropped 4 would-be interceptions in Kansas City’s 27-24 win.
1. Buffalo Bills (1-0): The Titans stuffed Josh Allen on fourth down near the goal line within the waning seconds of Tennessee’s win over Buffalo. Don’t think Allen and the Bills have forgotten that as Monday night’s showdown looms.
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