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Sideline Chatter: NFL said there’s no place for such violence within the NFL


The NFL fined Bucs QB Tom Brady $11,139 for attempting to kick the Falcons’ Grady Jarrett after Brady was tackled.

So there you will have it: the league’s first roughing-the-sacker penalty.


• At Fark.com: “What are you in for? Bank robbery. You? Murder. You? Cheating at fishing.”

• At BorowitzReport.com: “Herschel Walker categorically denies ever playing football.”

On thin ice

The Western Hockey League’s Swift Current Broncos reported a net lack of $349,000 for the 2021-22 season.

That’s what you call caught crossing the red line.

He hits strikes

Dodgers outfielder Mookie Betts celebrated his thirtieth birthday by bowling a 300 game two days later.

A real unicorn, he’s a 300 hitter in two sports.


The over-under for Thursday night’s Bears-Commanders game was 38.

The points scored (19), punts (10) and sacks (8) didn’t even add as much as that.

Tweet of the Week

“In the event that they made ‘Bull Durham’ today, Nuke LaLoosh could be on a pitch count and never see the fifth (expletive) inning.” — @Super70sSports

Big Bet Machine

BetMGM announced that it’s now an official sports betting partner of the Cincinnati Reds, including a sportsbook at Great American Ballpark.

“Say what?” said Pete Rose, dropping his tout sheet.

Not so fast, my friend

Cassie, a robot developed at Oregon State, broke the world record for bipedal robots by clocking 24.73 seconds within the 100-meter dash.

But rumor has it they found STP in its postrace urine sample.

Field goals galore

This rating in from the Big Ten: Illinois 9, Iowa 6.

Much more amazing: It wasn’t played on a Thursday night!

Go east, young man

Missouri, despite being nearly 900 miles from the Atlantic Ocean, is one way or the other within the SEC’s Eastern Division.

And we wonder why three-fourths of U.S. eighth-graders test below proficient in geography?

Cure for insomnia

• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, via Twitter, after ex-Chargers LB Shawne Merriman said he got eight hours of sleep Thursday for the primary time in, like, eternally: “Watching Bears-Commanders?”

Talking the talk

• David Whitley of the Gainesville (Fla.) Sun, after Florida LB David Reese signed an NIL take care of Reese’s peanut butter cups: “Imagine other possibilities on the UF roster: Ventrell Miller Beer. Daejon Reynolds Wrap. Josh Braun Shavers …”

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on “Fat Bear Week” in Alaska, when bears gorge on salmon before going into hibernation: “Hey, that seems like Nick Saban on National Signing Day!”

• Warriors guard Steph Curry, to reporters, on 7-foot-4 French wunderkind Victor Wembanyama: “He’s just like the (NBA) 2K create-a-player; he’s every point guard that desires to be 7 foot. Cheat-code type vibes, man.”

Heavyweight champion

Travis Gienger of Anoka, Minnesota, broke the U.S. pumpkin record by producing a 2,560-pounder on the forty ninth World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off in Half Moon Bay, California.

Steroid tests are pending.

Roughing the refs

• Comedy author Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, on a highly questionable roughing-the-passer call benefiting Bucs QB Tom Brady: “I’ve seen more vicious tackles waiting in line at Starbucks.”

• Tom Pelissero of NFL Network, on a similarly questionable call within the Chiefs-Raiders game: “Chris Jones just became the primary player in NFL history called for roughing the passer while holding the ball.”

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com: “After the roughing-the-passer call on Chris Jones within the third quarter, Raider fans are eternally forbidden to moan about “The Tuck Rule’ ever again.”

• Fox rules analyst Mike Pereira, via Twitter, on the Jones call: “I’m sitting at a bar drinking Tito’s with Chief fans yelling at me. I don’t blame them!”

Illegal contact

An indignant Raiders receiver Davante Adams flattened a TV cameraman on his solution to the locker room Monday night, earning himself a misdemeanor assault charge.

He’s lucky he didn’t get flagged for press interference.

Quote marks

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the Blue Jays’ painful collapse with an 8-1 lead within the AL Wild Card playoffs: “However, they’ve been made honorary Toronto Maple Leafs.”

• Robert Griffin III of ESPN, on Thursday Night Football: “Anybody know if Amazon Prime can deliver a same-day touchdown?”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the minor leagues’ use of a pitch clock cutting games from a mean of three:05 to 2:38: “With the clock and the shift ban, MLB games are about to get loads more watchable.”

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