Copernicus was unsuitable.
The earth doesn’t revolve across the sun.
It revolves around Tom Brady.
Hey, we’re just following the science.
We don’t claim a Copernican knowledge of mathematics or astronomy.
But the information is unimaginable to refute.
The State of The Brady this offseason absorbed more terabytes of server space, more airtime, or total more pageviews than any NFL story not involving alleged criminal activity.
Speculation on Brady’s future dominated the NFL news cycle as soon as he and the Bucs were eliminated from the NFL playoffs (after erasing a 27-3 deficit) by the would-be Super Bowl champion Rams.
Brady announced on Feb. 1 that he “not going to make that competitive commitment anymore” when it got here to playing football.
Mountains moved. Oceans rose. Tributes flowed just like the Nile.
The omission of the Patriots in Brady’s “farewell” address ignited a firestorm of manufactured rage on social media and up and down the FM dial. Brady would correct the error.
The post Brady-retirement hangover engulfed all but the ultimate few hours of pre-Super Bowl 56 hype. How did Matthew Stafford win a Super Bowl, anyway?
We subsequently learned a couple of film called “80 For Brady” based on the journey of 4 senior Patriots fans to see the Patriots win Super Bowl 51. Brady appears within the film produced by his company “199 Productions.”
Brady attended a Manchester United match on March 12, two days ahead of the NFL tampering period. Man U is owned by the Glazer family, who own the Buccaneers. Speculation had Brady meeting with the Glazers about his future in Tampa Bay. Or elsewhere.
The subsequent day, Brady again illuminated the solar system. “My place continues to be on the sphere and never within the stands” he posted via Instagram. “I’m coming back for my twenty third season in Tampa. We’ve unfinished business.”
Within the span of just 40 days, Brady retired, dwarfed the Super Bowl, announced a recent movie, and un-retired – all without ever using the word “retire” or any of its derivatives.
For some other seven-time Super Bowl winning, future first-ballot Pro Football Hall of Fame, greatest-of-all-time, quarterback, that will be enough offseason news.
Brady was just getting began.
He returned to the football field along with his teammates in June for mandatory minicamp and for the beginning of coaching camp July 27.
On Aug. 2, the blaze of 10,000 suns immolated Brady when he was officially linked to a tampering scandal that cost the Miami Dolphins a first-round draft pick and sidelined owner Stephen Ross for 90 days.
Officially, Brady did nothing unsuitable. Players can’t be penalized for tampering. That is true even when all they did was answer the phone, talk with the owner of the Dolphins plus his official go-between, and take a look at to snooker a gathering with then-Miami coach Brian Flores on Ross’ yacht as if he was a John Wick villain.
Stop. The. Presses.
They usually say print is dead.
Brady had morphed from Sonny Corleone to his disloyal brother Fredo. Brady met with Dolphins while still under contract with the Patriots in 2019. He did the identical while with the Buccaneers in 2021 and ’22. Each Fredo and Brady were stepped over by the Godfather. The Patriots never gave Brady the two-year, $50 million deal he sought before the 2019 season.
“That’s the way in which Pop wanted it.”
While Brady didn’t break NFL rules, he invalidated any belief that he was all-in during his final season in Recent England. Roger Goodell had his revenge.
The molten rage flowing across Patriots Nation fueled Recent England’s summer heatwave. Because Brady spoke with the Dolphins, he now sleeps with the fishes.
And for Bradyphobes fixated on his Deflategate-era balls, or anticipating the autumn off Kellerman’s Cliff, this double dalliance with the Dolphins added to their indictment of his profession.
On Aug. 3, Brady turned 45.
There have been 104 players on NFL rosters that day yet to be born when Brady was chosen with the 199th pick of the 2000 draft.
The Old GOAT was then given official leave from the Buccaneers for “personal reasons.” Nobody outside his immediate circle knew Brady’s location. We were told all was well.
An incredible-but-what-the-hell-why-not hypothesis surfaced that Brady was taping episodes of “The Masked Singer.” It made sense in the identical way believing the earth is flat. The show airs on FOX. Brady is joining the NFL on FOX announcing team every time he retires for $375 million over 10 years. The dates were in sync.
He may or will not be on “The Masked Singer” later this month.
After 11 days, “The Masked Slinger” returned to the Bucs’ camp.
“We’re live from Tampa …”
Brady began Tampa Bay’s final exhibition game. He showed all of the signs of the identical QB who led the NFL last season with 5,316 yards passing and 43 TD passes at age 44.
“I’m 45 years old, man. There’s a variety of s–t occurring. You’ve just got to attempt to determine life the perfect you may. It’s a continuous process,” Brady said post-game.
He wore a “Brady University Without end” hoodie, sported a Trumpian hue, blown auburn hair and (in keeping with Twitter) a re-sculptured face.
The subsequent evening, Brady was named the NFL’s No. 1 player by his peers. Keep that in mind when the “insiders” and “experts” inform you he’s washed up.
Finally, Page Six dropped the Big One Thursday. Camelot II is on the rocks. Marital discord, reportedly, has rattled The House of Brady/Bündchen. Gisele took off to Costa Rica, unhappy that Tom unretired. Did that fuel Brady’s mysterious disappearance?
By the way in which, Brady begins his twenty third season Sunday night. Tampa Bay is the consensus odds-on pick to win the NFC and the second overall selection to win the Super Bowl, getting +750 at BetMGM.
The playing field stays Brady’s secure space
He stays faithfully married to the sport.
And we still can’t get enough.
Bill Speros (@RealOBF) will be reached at email@example.com.