This man was a financial adviser, and I’d have thought that a useful piece of economic advice for 2 life partners is to be transparent about funds with one another. Learning his income shouldn’t have come as a gut punch. Now for just a few caveats. You may’t be absolutely sure that he lied about his net value, which reflects the worth of his estate minus his debts. Either way, it might be odd to apportion your relative expenses by net value, which may fluctuate with the market value of your assets, including highly illiquid ones. And that clearly wasn’t the arrangement you two had; otherwise, going by his reporting, your share can be 40 percent, not a 3rd. (If, as an alternative, you paid in proportion to the income you now know him to have, your share would come to a sixth, not a fifth.)
Your response to what you discovered makes it plain that he has been misleading you about how much money he has. That’s a breach of your agreement and an act of dishonesty. I doubt you’ll have the opportunity to start to revive your trust in him unless you let him know what you feel. Possibly his shifty ways are restricted to the realm of cash; possibly, though, he simply isn’t worthy of your trust. People differ in respect of how much bad character they will tolerate in a partner. That punch to the gut, nevertheless, may reflect the belief that this man isn’t the life partner you thought you committed yourself to. The proven fact that you, in turn, have kept from him what you’ve learned and the way you are feeling about it — the actual fact, bluntly, that you simply’re pretending to be in the dead of night — suggests that a serious trust deficit has settled between the 2 of you. Have that uncomfortable talk. But it surely will not be possible to pay this deficit down.
Some months ago, a friend of mine went to Kenya, and we discussed his not being vaccinated when he was planning the trip. Each his doctor and I urged him to get vaccinated due to his age, his weight and his hypertension. He told me I used to be living in fear and went anyway. He almost died there after getting hit with Delta and later Omicron. He was within the I.C.U. each times over a six-week period. When he didn’t return home as scheduled, I called a Kenyan friend of his in the US about his welfare. I used to be told he was within the I.C.U. a second time and that this friend was coping with the hospital and the bill. His friend then asked me point blank: “Tell me something, and I would like the reality. Was my friend vaccinated?” I told him no and explained that I attempted to persuade him to get vaccinated before his trip. Now my friend is back home with health issues and refuses to talk to me. I believe it’s because I told the reality when asked about it. Was I fallacious? Under the circumstances, I felt that his Kenyan friend needed the reality for medical reasons. Name Withheld
You didn’t learn your friend’s vaccine status as a health care provider or as an insurer. It might seem, moderately, that he told you himself, without demanding confidentiality. While random gossip about someone’s vaccine status might violate the reasonable expectations of a friend, you were discussing someone’s situation with one other friend of his, someone involved in his care. You had no obligation to treat what you knew as confidential. It’s not that the opposite man needed the reality for medical reasons. But he did have cause to inquire — this patient’s mulish and misguided decision imposed a big burden on him — and also you actually would have been fallacious to lie.